August 15, 2024
Two days ago, I got very angry for no apparent reason. I lay down for two days and became a slave to my emotions again. I fell into the fire pit of emotions. Every time I climbed out, it hurt my body. My liver, spleen and stomach were severely damaged, my eyes were sore, and my brain was sluggish. As before, a second round of negative internal exhaustion began one after another. Emotional torment, regret, self-blame, despair, powerlessness, depression, irritability, loss of interest in everything, the king of all kinds of negative emotions, world-weariness swept over again, occupying the already vulnerable soul, thinking that there is still a lot of savings that have not been spent, no, I can't leave so early.
I dreamed about my mother at night. My mother had not appeared in many dreams before. Every time I woke up and tried to recall, I could not recall a clear scene or dialogue. In this dream, she and her father were in Wuxi, looking at other houses in Longchuan New Village. They wanted to buy a house and replace the current house in Wuxi. I am also at home in Wuxi, next to it, and I am still thinking about changing to a house to live in. Anyway, they are in Longchuan, and I can finally help my mother with this decoration. At least I can drill holes for expansion screws and install something on the wall. I still have many skills that can be used in house building. When I think of this, I feel happy and cry happily. The joy of finally being able to play your role and share it with your mother is like a life-long regret that has tortured you for many years. Suddenly one day God tells you that there is a way to make up for it. Go and make up for it... Who understands this feeling?