When I took the subway out of the station today, I found that my luggage was missing a small backpack. I was surprised and thought about it for a while. I couldn't remember whether I put the stool on it when I was waiting for the subway, or whether I didn't take it on the conveyor belt when I entered the station and went through the security check. It was very mysterious. It would be even more amazing if it was the latter situation. . . This level of carelessness has never been seen in personal history.
I took the subway back and went to the stationmaster's office to find it. While thanking me, I repeatedly asked the stationmaster in an obsessive-compulsive manner, "Did you find this bag on the stool or on the security inspection machine? Please tell me, otherwise I won't be able to sleep at night." The stationmaster waved his hand and said, "Well, just find it and forget about the rest." I still don't know the answer to the mystery. . .
I've been feeling depressed recently. The book says that the only way to solve a depressed state is to find out the root cause, but my difficulty is that I can't find the root cause. Today I saw a life guru mention a word called seasonal affective disorder, or SAD for short. It made me laugh. It is indeed a sad name, and it matches the low mood in autumn very well. After finding the reason, I became a little more cheerful. Although there is no solution to this SAD, my mood is much more relaxed than before. The bad situation today can also be explained by this SAD.
I took the subway three times, and it took more than an hour. On the subway, I was bored, watching the people going up and down after work, and fell into deep thought. Since I stopped going to work, I have gone through various struggles and many changes in myself. This may also be the experience of many freelancers and non-congregate office workers. Because the daily activity environment is different from that at work, many familiar transportation and social activities are somewhat uncomfortable, and the social circle has plummeted from a small one to zero. One day said I talk less. I feel a little unaccustomed to not taking the subway for many years, and the clothes I wear are becoming less and less demanding. As long as the clothes are comfortable and the appearance is not eye-catching, I usually have some activities with colleagues and friends at work, but now these are gone. There is always an indescribable feeling of separation or disconnection. It is true that I feel like two worlds with the office workers in this car. I don’t know whether it is good or bad, but the feeling of loss is definitely there. There are only two kinds of animals. I am like a wild one, compared to a captive one, in a word you are on your own. The anxiety is not less, but the content of the anxiety is different. The captives are more stable, they have professional skills, and they will not starve to death. They just lack the so-called freedom. The price of obtaining freedom in today's society is getting higher and higher. Like the economic inflation, the tide is rising. Whether it is worth it is a matter of benevolence and wisdom. It is up to you to decide what to do.
Looking at the row of people sitting across from me, they were chirping like students, some were playing games with their heads down, some had just started working, talking about things in the company, some were placing orders and shopping online, some were shopping around, some were reading Xiaohongshu, middle-aged people were reading headlines or reading on WeChat with their heads down silently, and old people were sitting quietly, not thinking about anything, men and women. In this picture, I can vaguely see the shadow of myself in the past, and I seem to be able to see the future. In an instant, the subway feels like I am traveling through time and space on a special train of life. The taste is complex, and it is worth more than an hour.