July 20, 2024
I have been suffering from severe emotional distress recently, with many sequelae. My life plans have been disrupted and delayed, and I have become depressed. It is said that being depressed is a normal condition in life. Thousands of people will be in a similar situation to you every day. Okay, keep practicing.
The only time I can feel peaceful these days is at night. I sit in the corner of the balcony, close the curtains, face my mother's photo, sit on the sofa and read a book, put on my headphones, and have a drink. I am relatively relaxed during the day. I look at my mother from time to time, as if I am sitting and chatting with my mother, talking about myself, as if she is still alive, and I feel more comfortable.
Now I believe that there are indeed two selves, or that the other one is not myself, but is controlled by other things. I know clearly that I shouldn't think or do that, but I often lose in repeated tug-of-war arguments with the other self that is controlled by other things.
It turns out that your own brain is not completely under your control, which is quite sad. When you come to this world, you cannot follow your own wishes, nor can you control your own thoughts and actions. What is the meaning of this? You are always passive and forced.
This time I returned to Wuxi. On the first day, I actually felt pretty good and at ease. However, when I chatted with my brother about my father via video, I immediately became excited and out of control. It wasn’t a question of whether I could control it or not. It was because I vented this out-of-control emotion without any feeling, without giving me a chance to control it.
It's impossible to get along with my father. Maybe my relationship with his family has ended in this life, and I don't want to see him anymore.
In the future life, you should try your best to protect your emotions and your life. Nothing is more important than this, and nothing is worth sacrificing your emotions and life. Wake up and be selfish, that's what the Creator requires of people.
Don't get involved in other people's cause and effect. Everyone has his or her own destiny, which cannot be changed. If it is accidentally changed, we don't know what the consequences will be in the future.