July 23, 2024
In a video with my brother before, I talked about my father. I couldn’t understand many aspects of my father. Living with my father, I can feel the pain of my mother before. I tolerate it if I can bear it, and I will speak out if I can’t. There are big and small things, no matter whether I endure it or speak it out, in the end I Everyone is affected by bad emotions, which can be described as long-standing grievances. So when I talked about my father with my brother, I unknowingly became emotional, angry, angry, and excited. They were all brought up. When I spoke, I unconsciously got angry and roared at my brother, even though I was talking about my father. I don’t know why I acted like this, and I felt regretful and guilty afterwards. I don’t know whether it was because I was too sensitive or because I lost control of my emotions.
Afterwards, I would be depressed and depressed for many days. I would be in a bad mood and not want to do anything. The original happiness and fulfillment in my life would completely disappear at this moment. Just like the impermanence mentioned in Buddhism, it would be gone at any time. Moreover, it is a waste of time and delays things.
I am almost 50 years old, and I feel ashamed that I will still be led by my emotions. But after working hard for a long time, I really can’t change it. Some things cannot be overcome by myself. Nature dictates that if you follow your life and bite the bullet to change and overcome, it will have no other effect than making yourself harder. When you encounter people and things that can cause emotional disaster in you, protect your life and stay away, because it is not worth fighting against.
Although he is a father, I look down on him. I look down on him based on his way of life and attitude towards life. It has nothing to do with people's abilities and achievements. Most of us are ordinary people. We don't seek great worldly achievements, but we must have the natural attributes of a person.
My father and I could only stay apart, and living together would sometimes lead to masochistic emotional disasters.
Although I have to find reasons within myself to make changes, I know that human nature has many so-called character flaws that cannot be changed. Avoiding and staying away from these people and things that can make you worse is an effective way, and it may be the only way.
Every time you lose control of your emotions or get excited, even if you calm down, you will lose interest in everything in life for a long time and become very decadent. This feeling is very terrible, difficult to get rid of, and has nothing to do with willpower.
Looking back on the home where I grew up, from the time I can remember, the biggest thing I can’t let go of is the guilt I feel towards my mother. Whenever I feel down, I miss my mother so much that I cry secretly. My mother's early death caused me to lose the most important and precious person in my life. It was only after several years that I deeply realized the heartbreaking pain. I was ignorant before, ignored my mother, was inconsiderate, did a lot of things I shouldn't have done, and said a lot of things I shouldn't have said. I really want her to know how regretful and guilty I am now, how much I miss her, and often imagine how great it would be if she were still alive. The world is cruel, and there is a kind of cruelty that makes it impossible.
Over the years, I have spent more time with my father, and I have gained a real understanding of him from an adult perspective. My poor mother has married the wrong person in her life. She has suffered a lot over the years, and her mental suffering is even deeper. As for my father, I can’t explain it clearly in just a few words. I don’t want to say more, and I can’t understand it without experiencing it.
I have lost all sense of life recently and become too lazy to do all activities. Along with irritability and inexplicable anxiety, I just want to be alone, not to contact anyone, not to interact with anyone, to live my life quietly, as if I have never been in this world, and finally to leave quietly. To me, life has no extraordinary meaning.
I listened to Zhao Lei's "I Remember" again. I miss my mother. I opened the flood of comments below and read a few of them. I couldn't stop crying and felt sad. If I say my biggest wish now is that my mother is still alive.
Emotional stability is the basis of everything.
This year I need to solve my emotional problems well and achieve emotional stability or rapid recovery. The impact and loss caused by my emotions have been too great. I don’t know if issues like emotions are something that DNA determines cannot be changed, but I hope not. Emotions play a large factor in determining a person's destiny. There are many things in life that need to be balanced with each other. There are no absolutes. It is really difficult to coordinate among various contradictory factors. It all depends on your understanding. To live a good life is indeed like practicing cultivation. I believe I can do it, but it will take a long time, but the direction of everything getting better will not change. To say that the meaning of life may only be the process of self-cultivation, and it only lies in this process. To say that the results are not important may be because the results may not be optimistic.
Cultivation of emotions