Today is Mother's Day. Let's make a good meal at noon.
I went to Hema to buy white fish and black tiger shrimp. I didn’t buy live ones. The white fish was processed and the black tiger shrimp was refrigerated, so they were both on sale. The fish and shrimp should have been freshly dead. I don’t know when I started to eat less live fish and shrimps. This kind of food is just right for me. I can’t stop throwing the lively and jumping shrimps into the pot and then simmering them with the lid.
I worked for a while in the afternoon. I was troubled by my father's affairs a while ago, and rarely cared about work. I was almost completely hands-off because I couldn't calm down. The order volume has dropped a lot, and I need to take good care of it again. It is currently the cornerstone of all my freedom.
Today I started picking up AI programming tools again to deal with repair problems. I haven’t used them for a while. Google gemini has become easier to use than before. Combined with vscode, it is easier to use than the previous curosr. It has solved a problem that has been bothering me for a long time. Clearing up a problem is a huge progress. Rest.
I went out for a walk, took a pair of scissors, climbed into a basket, and rode to the roadside to cut wild flowers. After a while, I cut a lot of wild flowers, and the basket was almost full. I trimmed it when I got home, put it in a vase, and put it on the edge of the sofa. It was good. I half-lyed on the sofa, thinking about the past month. The past 30 days had been very tiring. In the past two days, I had just been able to truly calm down, as if I had finally escaped from a situation full of unknown and uncertain factors and stabilized my position. It has been exactly one month since my father became ill. This month has brought about great changes in many things, some of which are subtle and complex. These subtle changes are a kind of feeling. Words cannot accurately describe this feeling. Things are not expected until they happen, and you can only feel them when they happen.
My father's life may never be the same again. One month ago was a major turning point in his life. Cerebral infarction is the most feared thing for the elderly. It is not said whether it will relapse in the future. The degree of recovery at this stage is very limited. Language is the most difficult. What does aphasia bring to people? The inability to communicate with others. Imagine what it is like to live without being able to communicate with others. The inability to express and speak, coupled with the inability to hear others speak clearly, calm down and imagine. This is already a terrible thing. These two points are enough to lose more than half of the content of life. His world has changed by one dimension, or dropped by one dimension.
There are a lot of things to record this time, and I can’t find a clue at the moment. Let’s start with the eldest lady.
I have always thought that the eldest lady has rich social experience, is well-rounded, and understands the world. Even though she is older, her brain is still flexible. This is the impression in my imagination, because there has never been any intersection, and it is all based on previous impressions. This time, in addition to rich social experience, there are many other things that I dare not compliment.
When things happen, you are in a hurry and can't bear it at all. You don't think about it for a while and act immediately. As soon as you act, you make mistakes. Yes, there are many problems.
But what I dislike the most is that when I do something, I have to explain and show my contribution or credit in the WeChat group. Occasionally, once or twice is fine, but frequently showing off my contribution is very disgusting. Suddenly I understand why she has been able to become the secretary of the Youth League branch since she was a child. She has this trait since she was a child. She must show off her merits when doing things. To put it bluntly, how can she be chosen by the teacher if she is not loud and unknown. In addition, overreaction to things is not at the level of impatience, but has risen to the level of neurosis. This will make others very tired and makes me very disgusted. I expressed my anger verbally several times.
Especially on the day when my father moved into the nursing home, there were many trivial things that needed to be solved little by little. Some of them were not very important and would not be a big problem if they were not solved immediately. Many things were overly demanding and careful, and the things that should be done were not careful. She was present and acted nervously. She was startled and surprised, which made me tired, the staff of the nursing home, and the caregivers too. I was tired. Two or three people were surrounding my father's room all day long, which made my father tired too. What my father needed now was to live a normal and quiet life immediately. Later, after I slowly discovered the problem, my aunt didn't want to go to my father's place at all, so I just stayed at home. I waited until she left Wuxi in a few days before I went. After I went there, everything and people became much more normal, including the atmosphere. As a mother, please sympathize with my cousin, you have suffered so much for so many years.
My father's current situation is quite miserable. In the past few years, he has been living in a driverless state, which has always made me worried. Sometimes it is not worry but a kind of anxiety and anger. It is like a time bomb that will explode but never explodes, and I don't know when it will explode. Judging from the results, the time bomb has now exploded, but it has also blown away all kinds of worries, anxieties, anger, and all kinds of conflicts and frictions.
I had a very bad relationship with my father before, and he probably hated my existence. But things have changed now. This is one of the subtle changes.
Two years ago, I discussed my father's living conditions with my brother. My brother has always been worried about his father's condition. Sooner or later something will happen, and we don't know what kind of big thing will happen. We have mentioned the plan of going to a nursing home several times, but it is very difficult. My father insists on disagreeing. This is the point where my brother and I have no idea. This has become our biggest difficulty. Although we have thought of many ways to use it, we are not sure about this. All other difficulties can be solved. Unexpectedly, suddenly this biggest difficulty no longer existed. It became not a problem but a necessity.
Looking back at the time when my father's cerebral infarction occurred, I feel a bit mysterious. April 8th was just after the Tomb-Sweeping Day, and I was sweeping graves in Ningbo during the Tomb-Sweeping Day. So, could it be that my mother helped me and my brother?