The tug of war with depression

The tug-of-war with depression, getting better and then coming back again.

The brain is not your own. Does your brain belong to you? Or who is the real self?

If the brain cannot be controlled by itself, it will often operate independently, which is really scary to think about.

I wanted to curse people and God for this kind of experience I had. I have been trying my best to deal with this devil with a positive attitude and various methods. In addition to medication, I am using all possible methods, reading books, and learning to understand this devil. I feel that I have tried my best, and now I just want to curse God, X.

I came to the book cafe again in the evening, and now I like to come here two hours before closing in the evening. Since I discovered this place, there have been a lot more people coming in the next few days. There are so many people in the afternoon that there are almost no seats. You can only go in the morning at noon, or come in the evening. These two times are the most comfortable.

The treasure I discovered today is the Dali Library in the ancient city. I went there during the day and found that it was actually in the ancient city. I didn’t know it before. It was in the courtyard of the Confucian Temple, a building next to it. This location is good and matches the Confucian Temple.

You can use your computer for work inside, but there are no sockets. The battery can last for 3 hours on a full charge, which is enough. If you don’t want to spend too much time using the computer, it’s not worth it. The layout of the library is like a classroom. There are a row of sofas and chairs in the corridor outside the room, facing the Confucian Temple and Cangshan Mountain. The gate of the Confucian Temple faces Fuxing Street, but it is far away from Fuxing Street. It is very quiet and you can't hear the noise of people. There are very few people in the library. There are so many unique cafes in Dali, and everyone is in the cafes. Sitting outside the corridor, leaning on the sofa chair, facing the blue sky and white clouds at the Confucian Temple Cangshan Mountain, all the conditions for meditating in a daze are met.

Today I stayed at another inn, which is also nearby. I live in an attic on the top floor with a sloping roof. It's suitable for living alone and it's quiet. The previous one was a bit noisy, which affected my sleep. Because the room on the first floor was on the right side of the door, it was not far from the street. At that time, I thought I could sleep anyway and it would be easy to get in and out. When I left, I accidentally chatted with the inn and their family. The three women, granddaughter (front desk), mother (cleaning), and grandma (looking after the venue), take care of this inn. It is really interesting. Moreover, the inn does not belong to them, but is managed by someone else for a month. My granddaughter is 21 years old. She just came back from working in Shanghai. She worked in a restaurant. In the last month, her boss said she was losing money and she didn’t give her a cent of the promised salary of 6,000 yuan. She came back empty-handed and her luggage was still in Shanghai. She still wants to work again. I was collecting clothes on the roof, and my grandma was sitting there. There was a kitchen with a refrigerator on the roof. I had put half a piece of watermelon, thinking about eating it before leaving. I took it out and cut it into a piece for grandma. I said, OK, then my life is not in vain. She laughed. But she also said something that I agree with very much, "Life is meaningless."

Think about it, when you are 78 years old, your eyes will still shine when you talk about your youth. If you are just depressed, there will be no light at all. Just wait for dementia.

My father's condition has deteriorated a bit recently. Maybe he still needs to take medicines with side effects. I used Trae to do some research. I put my father's personal status and hospitalization medication records together with the discharge summary into the work folder. I asked Trae to read and study them. Then I started to ask questions about which ones can be taken for a long time, precautions and side effects. I also told Trae about the previous swollen hands and asked Trae to speculate on the reasons. He still gave the reasons. It can be used as a reference. It is useful. After the research, I initially planned to prepare a list of medications:

One month’s supply of butylphenyl peptide Rivaroxaban two months’ supply Taijia two months’ supply Xinkelai, two months’ supply

I will call Dr. Zheng from the Sixth Hospital and make a decision.

Atorvastatin calcium tablets Jesartan

Dr. Cheng [phone number hidden]